Marculations

“A flawed man is one who will not be humbled by what he does not know.” – Unknown

When you see a cotton dress shirt tagged “wrinkle free”, they mean that it was wrinkle-free at time of purchase.

BOULDER, CO – An engineer has been terminated from his job at KMGH, the local NBC affiliate station, after it was discovered that he had been venting his personal frustrations through the network’s closed captioning feed.

The errant captioning affected mostly late night/early morning shows.

KMGH, like many local networks, only had one closed captioning engineer on duty at any given time, and there was no reason to suspect a problem. However, after numerous complaints from deaf or hard-of-hearing viewers began to pour into the station, the station manager decided to tune in from home, in order to verify the claims. What he found led him to take action.

The engineer responsible, who has asked to remain anonymous pending trial, did not appear to acknowledge that what he had been doing was wrong. “The [station] will let them garnish my [wages] to pay for her [...] lyposuction, but will they let me talk about it? Will they give me a forum to voice my opinions on this? No!”

Although is not known exactly how long the problem has persisted, KMGH has set up a special hotline for dealing with any additional viewer complaints. At the time of this writing, however, they are not accepting TDD calls.

Someone on my friends list posted this bulletin. It actually made me smile, so I thought I’d post it here, too. This person is obviously after my own heart.

—————– Bulletin Message —————–
From: Ra’hel
Date: Apr 17, 2006 10:13 PM

1. Friend Test?….You got to be kidding me. Who the fuck are you to test me? Go ahead and DELETE me, I have no desire or need to prove anything to any one who would “TEST” a friend. The people on your friend list, didn’t sneak on there, YOU approved them. I will never repost your stupid “friend test,” so spare me the dramatics, delete me now.

2. God and Jesus…. dont need bulletins passed along MySpace. People who do not repost religous bulletins are not denying God, Jesus (or Buddha or Muhammed or Flying Spaghetti Monster). They just choose not to play your game. If you want to worship God go to church, your myspace friends could care less about your religion.

3. Tom is never going to charge for MySpace. Why? Because it is advertiser supported. The more people who are on here, the more money MySpace (and its parent company) makes. If there is ever going to be a change in MySpace it will not be announced through bulletins. Why would any company trust its future to idiots, who “test” their friends, and think that the phone rings because they’ve re-posted a bulletin. And there is NO way to attach a fucking tracking device to a godamn bulletin!!! Come on people!!!

4. Charities will never see a penny because you have reposted a chain mail. Get real. There are a lot of much less complicated ways to raise money than that. Think about it. Charites DON’T use chain mail or bulletins to raise funds. EVER!

5. Don’t act offended if someone asks to be your friend. If you don’t want friends you don’t know in real time, then change your fucking settings, stop acting like a fucking drama queen.

6. Not everyone will like you. That’s life. Grow up. Even Hitler had pals, you’ll find someone too! If someone denies your ‘add friend request’, move on. Don’t pester the shit out of someone to be your friend, it’s not going to work.

7. Don’t act offended if not every message you send receives a reply. People have lives beyond MySpace, and hold out the possibility that they may not want to talk to you right this moment. Your mother lied to you, you aren’t the most special person in the world.

8. “Bored?” – Keep it to yourself. Why would anyone want to chat to someone who is bored? You’re bored because you aren’t bright enough to entertain your mind, stop expecting strangers to entertain you. Generally ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE fuckin BORING get BORED!!!!!

9. Don’t question the number of friends someone has. It’s none of your fucking business. What is it to you if Sally or Johnny has 10,000 friends. It makes them happy. And their 10,000 friends don’t seem to mind. Do you really chat with all of your 40 friends everyday?

10. Your phone is going to ring regardless of what you do with a bulletin. Reposting a bulletin along won’t make it ring. It will prove to your friends that you are an idiot.

11. Do you really want a BF or GF that is conjured up by you reposting a bulletin on MySpace? Let’s face it, if you can’t attract and keep a BF/GF, reposting a bulletin isn’t going to change the fact that you are loser. In fact it sends a clear indication to any potential mate, that you are not only a loser, but that you are also annoying and stupid. Dont advertise the fact!

12. Do you want any one to read your profile page? Then take a look at it again. Your attempts at being creative, are just a huge technicolour mess with a bad song in the background. Learn how to do it right before you try to get artsy! What’s the point if it can’t be read?

13. Also, people don’t give a fuck if you changed your page and your pics enough to run to your fucking page to post comments… people will post when they see it, or when they feel like it. You don’t need to send out another worthless bulletin.

14. Don’t post bulletins asking if others will have sex with you/date you/like you or any of that bullshit. If you really depend on MySpace to see if someone will fuck you, or to see if someone has a crush on you, you will die a lonely death. It is fucking stupid, and you are pitiful if you are asking strangers or even your real friends if they will have sex with you or date you because of a bulletin. See ..11.

Repost this Damn it.

If you do…..

I won’t like you any more or less.

I won’t delete you, but then again I might delete you.

Your phone will ring, eventually, this bulletin had no influence on it.

The Clown in your bedroom is your mate.

If a lesbian shows up at your bedside tonight and kills you, well that just means your life is really sucky and now it’s over. This bulletin will play no part in your horrible demise

I voiced “God” in the new skit over at Boredom Induced.

So, you should check that out. If you like crappy voice acting.

Hi-ya!

A lot of people will hit me up on AOL Instant Messenger when I’m on (which is a lot) if they need to get in touch with me. A lot of those times, I won’t reply, because I’m either really busy, or I’m not there.

Many of those people just keep IMing me repeatedly whenever they see me.

If something’s important, or you need to send me something, or you need me to send you something, please — email me. My address is spiffymarc at gmail dot com.

If it’s especially important, leave a voicemail for me at 323-319-6485.

I just thought I’d share the various locations around this great Interweb where the Adam Carolla Radio Show web log, written by yours truly, is syndicated.

You can find it at:

• The Adam Carolla Show Blog: The official site for the blog, run by 97.1 Free FM Los Angeles, where the new entries get posted at 10am Pacific each morning (right as the show is ending.)
• Adam Carolla 106.9 Free FM: A mirror of the blog done by 106.9 Free FM San Francisco.

Right. So just those two places.

I’ve posted the full text of my short story, The Unfortunate Engagement, as one big file. You can now read the entire story from start to finish.

Print it out and carry it with you as a constant reminder that you are, in fact, a better writer than I am.

I’m not going to be posting any more updates about The Awesome Show (formerly Dave and Marc’s Awesome Podcast) in this space, now that it has its’ own website.

Visit TheAwesomeShow.com for all the latest Awesome Show news and updates.

In the near future, this blog will be moving over to the Indiecent Media Network, which will include The Awesome Show.

Marc: say something funny
Dave: something funny
Dave: OMG TEH FUNNNY
Marc: HAR HAR HAR
Dave: < .<
Marc: >.>
Dave: !!!