Marculations

I can’t stop eating Goldfish.

Please, someone help me stop eating Goldfish.

You know the ones I’m talking about — the little golden baked snack crackers. They come in a few sizes at the store. You can get tiny bags of them, that can fold up in your pocket. You can get medium sized bags of them, which are great for sharing. And of course, you can get massive, two-pound cartons of them. Cartons that have a goddamned pour spout on them.

At what point did the United States reach the point where we need a fucking pour spout on our cartons of crackers? Do we, as a society, need to not only ingest THAT MANY CRACKERS without going back to the store for more, but we need to eat them so fast that they must be POURED INTO US VIA A SPOUT?

I don’t run on crackers. My body doesn’t need crackers to lubricate its’ inner workings. There’s no danger of crackers not filling my mouth fast enough. What’s up with the spout, guys? I know I can use the spout to pour crackers into everybody’s hands, sure. That’s fabulous. But come on. We can all have our own little bag. We don’t need the pour spout, so that we can take it to the feed trough and fill it up.

Honestly, I don’t know where I’m going with this. I need to find my center.

If you need me, I’ll be the one in the bathroom, puking Goldfish into the bathtub.

Tags: Rants

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 30th, 2006 at 10:53 pm and is filed under Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.